101 Reasons To Never Become A Guru

I could have had several different headlines for this first post of the year. I chose this one so as to be a reminder to me for another year.

I could have used:

Still Don’t Believe You Have To Sell To A 5th Grade Level ?

Money For Nothing

I Sell What You Pay For

Find ‘em, Fool ‘em, Fleece ‘em and Forget ‘em

You see, every year I have to fight off the urge to become a money sponge and suck dollars out of the newbie, internet marketing, hope buying crowd.

A crowd, I might mention, that’s larger than ever before and growing all the time, as more and more countries come online with more uneducated people looking to get rich quick.

For all of you who choose to write about ‘the death of’ articles and posts, the world’s only about 15-20% penetrated with internet service, so there’s massive numbers of people yet to come to this dance.

For 2008, I’ve chosen to, once again, to resist the urge to give in and become a ‘guru‘.

Could I do it ? Easily. Very easily.

Ask anyone who pays for my time to help them refine their online marketing. I could do it, but I won’t, because I like that peaceful, easy feeling ( Eagles reference thrown in for emphasis ) of sleep.

If I gave in to the dark side, I’d never sleep. I like sleep too much to sell it … or my soul.

I took a few minutes to visit a couple of sites/blogs of some ‘gurus’. All I had to do was read some of the comments to turn my stomach and make me swear not to ever regularly market to that crowd.

Wanna see some of them ? Well, rather than link to ‘em, I thought I’d just copy-n-paste a few excerpts to show you what kind of comments/questions the ‘gurus’ have to deal with.

The best part may be the sites they use to link to themselves, such as MoneyBlueprintMaster.com, InternetKingofKnowledge.com, SuccessMastersofAllTime.com and the like. ( Warning: Fictional names made up to show emphasis. Any similarity to your actual domain name is a sad commentary on your domain name selection skills ).

And then ask questions or make comments like the one’s below:

” …you’re either a night owl or a very early riser. I watched this email come in a 2:25 am PT; 5:25 am New York time. You had to have time to make it first ! “

I’m guessing that this poor guy has never heard of an autoresponder and actually believes that the ‘guru’ posted this at 2:25 AM. I don’t know which is sadder, the fact that he was watching email at 2:25 or the lack of knowledge of how an autoresponder works.

” There was a lot of very useful information, and as soon as I get paid on Monday, I’m going to start. I’ve got my own website, and am a member of several affiliate programs (not to mention a hard drive full of e-books!!), but no traffic yet. This may be just what I need to get traffic AND earn some money, too. “

This one really makes me sad. I don’t know if I’m sadder that the poor soul said what she said or that I’m too soft to go and suck all the money out of that market.

” What’s the difference between living your dream and just day dreaming ? “

Okay, this one’s simple. If you have to ask this question, I, nor any other human, could ever help you find the answer. Really.

” I think alot of the “tried and true” methods are no longer effective…especially ….exceedingly long sales copy.
I think people’s lives are much too busy and i believe that they not only resent long sales copy; i believe it gets the exact opposite result of making sales…death valley.
Time is just as valuable to your customer as it is to you. People are tired of being hyped, jerked around, and in general manipulated into purchasing products that they dont need or use.
I believe that people want to be respected with the amount of time that they give you and want to know in a precise way..what you are selling, how it will benefit them to purchase and the purchase price. Stop trying to “out manipulate” them into buying. They either are or they aren’t.
Give them the info..if it is honestly a product that they need, want, will prosper from…they will buy it. “

Five instances of ‘I think’ or ‘I believe’. Not one instance of ‘my testing has shown’ or ‘my research has proven’.

Here’s a really simple key for you – Unless you can prove I’m wrong, don’t bother giving me your opinion of what I said. I don’t have to fight this nearly as much as some bloggers do, but I see way too many comments just like the one above, where the commenter is giving their opinion and thinks that it’s gospel. Test it, prove it, try it. Don’t just say it.

And for, I hope, the last time – It doesn’t matter what you think about long-copy sales letters, it only matters what the market thinks about them. End of discussion.

” This kind of sounds like you are pulling information from the Bible and pushing a religious sect called Jehovah Witnesses. The number 1440 is enough to completely turn me off to your site. That is only 2 zeros away from their mystical number. I am a religious person, but when it comes to anything close to the numbers that sect uses I want nothing to do with it. Too many bad experiences with the group. You should have used a slightly different number. “

Really. This dude was serious. The blogger used 1440, because that’s how many minutes are in our days and this commenter extrapolated it all the way out to la-la land.

Can you imagine having that as part of the readership of your blog ? Well, if you want to deal with that, just market to the newbie-I-wanna-make-money-on-the-internet crowd. They’ll find you, you won’t have to look for them.

” … the last 3 to 4 years i have been testing the market now i am intering the market, your blog fits right in thanks. “

Buddy, if you’ve been studying for 3 to 4 years, I hope it was at a College or University. And the time to ‘inter’ was 3 to 4 years ago.

” I have been working with your material in 2 courses ( names removed to protect the innocent ) – and you continually amaze me with the way your mind works.
The subtle differences (sometimes not so subtle) and altered nuances you place on phrases and words…………
All I can say is, your synaptic connections are even “more numerous than all the grains of sand on earth”.
If this quote is new to anyone – it’s often quoted when referring to the limitless potetiality of the human brain. “

Wow. Synaptic connections more numerous than the grains of sand on the earth ? Lady, if you try to ‘talk’ to your own customers like tha, you haven’t got a chance of selling ‘em anything more than pills to remove the headache you’re gonna give ‘em. Maybe she had drunk in too many of her own words or had never heard herself speak.

” I totally resent the notion of marketers aiming to monopolise as many minutes of my day as they are able to. I already have enough clutter in my email pages from these type of people who have a snowball’s chance in hell of selling me anything. “

Your first problem, my dear, is letting your email inbox be violated by this type of crap. Fix that one first or it won’t matter what other resolutions you make for 2008.

” Between us, the Chinese wise men (and not only them but also today’s physicists) would say that in reality the Earth is not round and the stars are not big because they don’t even exist in their full size due to the fact that our minds can materialize only what we can see, and nobody can see the whole Earth or a whole Star. What we see (like the round earth from space) is an optical illusion. Whatever each one of us sees constitutes one’s own universe and we’re alone in it. Others are just a reflection of us. “

Again, can you imagine having to deal with this in your comments ? Sell to the ‘make-money-on-the-internet- crowd and they’ll flock to you like poor lost sheep.

” I am sorry that I have not replied before as I have been so busy optimizing my site (for google) in order to drive targeted traffic to my site thinking that with an easier way to shop and offering more choice, this would not give anyone, any real reason not to leave without making a purchase. “

Can you feel the sincerity here ? Bless his poor heart. I’ll bet the ‘guru’ lay wake all night wondering why the guy who links to himself as InternetMarketingMasterMoneyMaker.com, or something of that ilk, hadn’t taken time to comment on any of his posts. I know I’d have been Sleepless in Seattle over him.

And then, there’s my personal favorite, The Engineer who wants a complete marketing education/makeover for free, in a comment, regardless of all the one’s for sale and thanks for your time:

” I am impressed by your method of delivering marketing lessons. I am an engineer since 25 years but not a marketing guy and am very much interested to study about Marketing & Sales and your blog has given me this fantastic opportunity. I hope that I have the sequence below right.
1. Fitting in.
2. “Start a Dialog” with our customers.
3. Be part of Customers daily life “Build Relationship”.
4. Find out How the Customer lives their lives?
5. Find out How we can fit-into the Customer’s 1440 minutes of daily life.
6. “Find out what or need the customer Want and we can offer.”
7. Using appropriate “Communications skills” we should “Find a Position in their Clutter”
8. Avoid being seen as clutter, but something that is “Relevant Value to Our Customer”, something they want or need.
9. Clearly define the CVP (Conversation Value Proposition)
10. Communicate your USP (Unique Selling Proposition),
11. That our customers will find “Relevant and Attractive”.
12. “Effectively Communicate our Product or Service benefit” to them.
13. Sales Transaction.

For every point given above, my ignorance in Marketing compels me to ask “How to…”

Are there tools to monitor and measure the performance of each step process like it is required with all engineering systems. “

OMG ! He’s not kidding either. I can’t really do that one justice, but it did cure my desire to fleece the flock.

I hereby vow, for at least another year, to not market to these poor souls. ~ Mike

I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it.

My lesson is learned … for at least 12 months anyway !

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